Now that I'm feeling better and have taken time to reflect (as much as I hate reflecting on things), I can finally look back and write about what I've experienced, felt, and noticed over the past while.
I've noticed that some people who think they are supporting you through a difficult breakup are actually making you spiral more by offering unhelpful advice or making comments that hit a nerve. Everyone trying to help you has good intentions (or so I hope), but sometimes the intention and action do not reach the same result.
While healing from my breakup, here are some things that people told me that are not conducive to healing and can actually be more harmful. Keep in mind...I am by no means a therapist or psychologist - these are just things I've noted from my own experiences.
1) Why are you still sad?
Regardless of the time frame, every person has the right to be sad. It could be days, weeks, or months. Everyone copes differently. Asking someone why they are still sad can make them question whether their reasons for being sad are valid, unintentionally gaslighting themselves to think maybe their partner, who did them dirty, was actually right in their actions. It can also just make the person feel like people around them do not understand and shift them into an unhealthy isolation period away from family and friends.
2) Get over it. They weren't worth it anyway.
In many cases, the person who got out of an unhealthy relationship knows they deserve better than their ex, but that doesn't mean they were not in love with them and saw a future together. A wise friend once told me, "You are mourning the person you thought they were, not the person they were." This means that "getting over it" takes time and becomes a mental battle of pushing aside the pain and good memories. People from the outside don't see the good experiences you shared together, even if, ultimately, it didn't work out.
3) You're in _____ stage of grief.
We all know that there are various stages of grief. Be it denial, anger, depression, and so forth, everyone goes through these stages differently. By telling someone what stage they are in, you are adding to their subconscious thought of how they should be processing their breakup. Instead, be there to support them rather than tell them how to feel and where you think their feelings are.
If you have any other "unhelpful" breakup comments, please feel free to comment and share them below!
Comments